All that I did was to save her from their eye, that’s all.
And what do I get in return? Betrayal. The last person, who I thought would say anything against me, was her. Shae, my one true love. I loved her more than anyone ever did anyone. She was a prostitute. People look down upon prostitutes. Even I did, until I met her. Her beautiful innocent face melted my heart when I saw her standing there. Not that I never fell in love in such unusual way with a highly unlikely person. I have fallen in love before, in the same way, with a prostitute. But she left me, lonely. People made fun of me for a while, but eventually they forgot. Soon as I saw her, I realized that my heart is so ready to commit the same mistake again. To fall in love with a prostitute. She seemed to like me though. She asked me to take her with me to Kings Landing. I told her that it’s too risky. I don’t want anyone to hurt her. But she didn’t listen. I melted, yet again. So, I brought her here. Kept her in a room, hidden from everyone. Things went very intense in our house, and I was asked to marry Sansa Stark, Lord Stark’s daughter. Shae was upset, obviously. I didn’t want to get married either, but there was nothing I could do to stop that from happening. Shae was her caretaker, and maybe liked her a bit too. But soon as all this happened, she started hating Sansa’s gut.
Sansa is a beautiful girl, a bit childish but I wouldn’t blame her, it’s her age. Lastly, she and I got married. I promised her that I’ll take care of her, forever. I don’t think she liked me, but she sure respected me. I could see that in her eyes. Shae couldn’t take it anymore. I asked her to leave Kings Landing, for her own safety. She refused. I told her this city isn’t safe for her but she wouldn’t listen to me, classic Shae. We ended up having a heated argument and she left the chambers, furious. I think someone might have seen her and told my sister about her. Otherwise, why would she be there, standing in the witness box, talking like that?
Yes, so Joffery died, someone might’ve poisoned him. Poor boy. I sure hated him, but never would I ever plan something so inhuman. I never would want to kill him. But since, my dear sister knew I had didn’t like Joffrey, she blamed it on me. Sansa left, god knows where she went. But, I’m happy she did. If Cersie would kill me for this, I can’t imagine what she would have done to Sansa. They let me rot in the cell. Treating me like I’m a murderer. I knew my father and my sister hated me. Probably, the only person who ever loved me was my dearest brother Jaime. He always stood by me, since the day I was born. Cersie blamed me for the death of our mother. Little does she know, that I hate that I could never see my mother. Anyway, all this doesn’t matter now. What matters is my love, the woman I loved more than anything, saying things that I didn’t do, lying about things that never happened. She didn’t even look me in the eye while saying all that. Yes, I wanted her safe, that’s the only reason why I asked her to leave the city, and this is how she repays me? Saying that I conspired with Lady Sansa in order to kill Joffrey? Why would she do that? Doesn’t she know that I love her the most? Doesn’t she know that she is all that is there in my mind? Yes, I married Lady Sansa, and that is something that wasn’t in my control. But that clearly didn’t mean that I stopped loving her.
I killed her today. The only woman who I ever loved so much. I killed her. She was sleeping with the man who never loved me, who always wanted me dead…my father. My eyes couldn’t see her lying on that bed. I was crying on the inside. Oh my love, why are you doing this to me? Before I could say anything to her, she ran towards me with a knife. A knife? So you want to kill me now? That’s how much you hate me? I didn’t want to kill her, but in order to save myself, I did. For the best, maybe. I killed the woman who I loved the most. I hate myself. There’s a wound in my heart, that’d never heal. Never.